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Get Premier Kissoff On the Hot Line!

I remember in elementary school we used to have air-raid drills, like fire drills.  When the siren went off we would put our heads under our desks or be walked down to the school’s basement and wait for it to be over.  Both very effective plans, I’m sure, if the Rooskies came a-knockin’ with their 50-megaton friends.  The Cold War was a pretty tense time in our nation’s history.  

The media lately have been recalling a statement by Russian President Vladimir Putin from several years ago: “The breakup of the Soviet Union [in 1991] was the greatest geopolitical tragedy of the 20th century.”   Putin seems to be trying to put the Soviet Union back together. 
 
In 2008, a couple years after Putin made that statement, Russia invaded Georgia, pushing ethnic Georgians out of about 25% of that country and creating two “independent” states—South Ossetia and Abkazia—recognized by a handful of Russian allies.  

Now, with Russia having used its military to enforce the Crimean Peninsula’s vote to secede from Ukraine following Ukraine’s decision to align with the European Union rather than with Russia, speculation is growing that Russia may not be finished with its expansionist tactics.  There is worry that Russia could attack what’s left of Ukraine, or move to annex other states with heavy populations of ethnic Russians, such as Transnistria, a sliver of a country between Moldovia and western Ukraine. 


With the Cold War seemingly heating up after being on ice for 20 years, I decided to watch one of my favorite old movies, “Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.” 

“Dr. Strangelove” is a masterful satire by director Stanley Kubrick about a rogue strategic airbase commander, Gen. Jack D. Ripper, who orders a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union.  The movie centers on an all-too-possible apocalypse that Americans (and, presumably, Russians) feared.  It was made in 1964, soon after the terrifying Cuban Missile Crisis, and is filled with humor alongside chilling footage of weapons of mutually assured mass destruction. 

The film juxtaposes serene, saccharine music with images of mushroom clouds and B-52 bombers, and billboards with the ironic airbase slogan, “Peace is our profession” in view as internecine firefights rage on the base.  When General Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott) is wrestling the Soviet Ambassador during the crisis, the hapless POTUS scolds them: “You can’t fight in here; this is the War Room!” 

Slim Pickins plays the unflappable Texan B-52 pilot who ends up riding the hydrogen bomb, rodeo-style, to its doomsday-launching climax, and Peter Sellers plays two classic roles: the psychotic commander’s executive officer, who tries to stop the madness, and the title character.  By the way, Rotten Tomatoes gives “Dr. Strangelove” a perfect 100%.
I don’t think we’ll need to subject our children to air-raid drills any time soon.  The U.S. isn’t likely to go to war against Russia.  We’ve finally ended our misguided folly in Iraq and are winding down our 13-year war in Afghanistan.  The American public doesn’t have much appetite for another war, especially against an enemy that has a nuclear arsenal on a scale of our own.  We are working with the EU to implement sanctions, but diplomatic solutions are complicated by the economic interrelationships between EU countries and Russia. 

Russia is the world’s largest oil producer.  It exported about $160 billion worth of crude, fuels and gas-based industrial feedstock to Europe and the U.S. in 2012.  Europe imports about a third of its oil from Russia.  Further complicating matters is China, an ally and important trading partner of Russia.  China has agreed to buy more than $350 billion of Russian crude in coming years and won’t take kindly to any U.S.- or EU-led action, such as an embargo, that would disrupt its supply of much-needed oil.

So microwave some popcorn, put your feet up and throw “Dr. Strangelove” on the flatscreen.  Thermonuclear-powered World War III was never so much fun.



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